Another Day, Another Chance...

I woke up this morning feeling somewhat down. I could not shake the feeling. I am just here trying to do my best to keep the hope. I know that I have to work really hard at my self in order to fix me, through the power of God I know it can be possible. I am on a tough road to begin with, that I have only created for myself, in what I have done to others, my Wife Rebecca, and my family. I just have to try to take this one day at a time.

So many things flow through my mind at once it is sometimes hard to focus and think. I am hoping that writing now will help with that. I know that God has given me the strength to keep going everyday. To move closer to him through every challenge that I face.

I am sure that God has helped me overcome my major problems and addictions. I know that I had some pitfalls that hurt my relationships a great deal. I have had very little to no temptation for evil and I pray to God to help me through everything.

I get fairly scared on a regular basis and I start to ask questions and talk a lot. I know that it is only my fears in my head and they are very hard to stomp out, I know the Lord is still helping me in that area as well.

(Letter to God)

Dear God,

I know that you are still here with me, that you will never abandon me and my search for purity and oneness with you and those I love most. I realize that I still have a lot of fears and struggles to overcome. I have a long way to go till I become whole again through you and in your eyes.

The ball in in your court now God and that is the way it should have always been. I have treated people wrongly and I hope that they can find the will to forgive me. I want so bad to shout out to them. Tell them how wrong I was, I want you to carry my voice over air and sea, mountains and valleys. I have written letters in the hopes that you help them find there destinations safe and through your grace bless those who read them.

God I ask your for your blessing onto this household that you give safe watch to our action and help me not to go astray. I ask that you be with my Wife Rebecca and my daughter Zada, keep them safe, watch over them. I know they need you to now more than anything in the world. I know my wife needs to have a sense of security in her life.

God, you are the almighty King and the Lord of all, you create all things and you want to show us your everlasting love. Thank you for the Savior you sent to us. I need to remember that I may never get into a situation that I would have to sacrifice as much as your son did on that day on the cross. I thank you Lord for all that you do and will do.

Thank you for opening my eyes to you and your glory. Letting me see who I was and who I am to become. To wipe the slate clean and start over a new in your faith. Thank you God.

     Your Son,
      Aaron J. Smith

A post to count

It was recommended to me that I start a journal, and in that I came to the realization that I should try to blog and put my thoughts where it was easy to get to, where I can get others opinions and so forth.

This would be my 3rd day of hardship and struggle in my current situation. I am worried about a lot of stuff that I feel may be overwhelming me at this time. I have been praying often for the guidance to pull me through this hard ordeal. I know God is looking out for myself, my Wife Rebecca and my Daughter Zada. I am having faith that my prayers are heard. They calm me a lot and help me through the struggle. I have may fears and challenges to overcome.

I write letters everyday in the hopes that they find there way safe to their destinations. I am going to stay positive about this, but in doing so, I also have to not overwhelm myself. I am also doing a chapter a day in a great marriage book, one that I did not take to serious earlier. I think this would have benefited me long ago if I would have done it with all my heart.

I watched the movie Fireproof last night, that is a very moving movie. I cried through most of it. It showed me how I should have been a better husband. I am much like the guy in the movie and have may of his pitfalls. I am all to certain now that I have to work very hard now if I am to salvage my future with the ones I love.

(Letter to God)
Dear God,

I know that you have full control of my life. I know that you have given us your son, to show us that even you can sacrifice yourself to us. I know that in that way, I am to sacrifice myself to others, my family, and especially my Wife. You told me to love my wife as Christ loves the Church, but there are all to many time that I have failed to do so.

I see a battle for my soul taking place and I know that you are there to comfort and watch over me through it. I release all my control to you. I want you to guide me, show me the path I am to take, help my feet to walk in the direction that you have provided for me. I know that in the past I have rejected you and gone from your word. But even then you watched over me, just waiting for the moment when I would except you as my God, and your son Christ Jesus as my Savior.

I am letting you know that I am going to walk with you for the rest of my days, be the man you want me to be. I know that if I start to fall off the path, you will be there to catch me. I know that if a obstacle gets in my way, you will help me over. That if temptation comes to my door, you will lock it out. I have faith in you God, that all will be alright. I thank you for letting me serve you. Please watch over my family and those around us.

    Love your son,
     Aaron J. Smith