I woke up this morning feeling somewhat down. I could not shake the feeling. I am just here trying to do my best to keep the hope. I know that I have to work really hard at my self in order to fix me, through the power of God I know it can be possible. I am on a tough road to begin with, that I have only created for myself, in what I have done to others, my Wife Rebecca, and my family. I just have to try to take this one day at a time.
So many things flow through my mind at once it is sometimes hard to focus and think. I am hoping that writing now will help with that. I know that God has given me the strength to keep going everyday. To move closer to him through every challenge that I face.
I am sure that God has helped me overcome my major problems and addictions. I know that I had some pitfalls that hurt my relationships a great deal. I have had very little to no temptation for evil and I pray to God to help me through everything.
I get fairly scared on a regular basis and I start to ask questions and talk a lot. I know that it is only my fears in my head and they are very hard to stomp out, I know the Lord is still helping me in that area as well.
(Letter to God)
Dear God,
I know that you are still here with me, that you will never abandon me and my search for purity and oneness with you and those I love most. I realize that I still have a lot of fears and struggles to overcome. I have a long way to go till I become whole again through you and in your eyes.
The ball in in your court now God and that is the way it should have always been. I have treated people wrongly and I hope that they can find the will to forgive me. I want so bad to shout out to them. Tell them how wrong I was, I want you to carry my voice over air and sea, mountains and valleys. I have written letters in the hopes that you help them find there destinations safe and through your grace bless those who read them.
God I ask your for your blessing onto this household that you give safe watch to our action and help me not to go astray. I ask that you be with my Wife Rebecca and my daughter Zada, keep them safe, watch over them. I know they need you to now more than anything in the world. I know my wife needs to have a sense of security in her life.
God, you are the almighty King and the Lord of all, you create all things and you want to show us your everlasting love. Thank you for the Savior you sent to us. I need to remember that I may never get into a situation that I would have to sacrifice as much as your son did on that day on the cross. I thank you Lord for all that you do and will do.
Thank you for opening my eyes to you and your glory. Letting me see who I was and who I am to become. To wipe the slate clean and start over a new in your faith. Thank you God.
Your Son,
Aaron J. Smith
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